


disappointments

by ubiety



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Mother-Son Relationship, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23407219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubiety/pseuds/ubiety
Summary: The wall Mary builds between the Winchester brothers, especially between her and Sam, is miles wide and miles high. Sam wishes he can just crawl over, fly over, whatever and reach her.
Relationships: Mary Winchester & Sam Winchester, Mary Winchester/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 28





	disappointments

Unlike Dean, Sam never knew the comforting touch of a mother. He never grew up looking up to a woman, the perfect woman in which he'd idolized. Who set the standard for all women for him. 

\---

It was a dream come true for Mary to come back from the dead. For his mother and him to be reunited again. She left the world young and he had been only six months old. Now Sam's in his 30's and Mary is, too. Technically she would have been in her 50's or 60's if she had aged properly. But Amara brought Mary back at a younger age. So Mary, while she is their mother, she looks to be around both Sam and Dean's age.

It's weird and strange, but the brothers are used to weird and strange.

Except Sam isn't used to his mother. He isn't used to having a mother period, but he's built up an image of what a mother _should_ be like. And Mary is not what he had envisioned. Mary is distant, not present. She goes off on missions by herself. She is a person independent from them. They grew up without her, it's not like they need babying...

Except Sam kind of wants it. Desires it. It's never too late for a mother's touch. To be comforted and held and treated like care, only a mother can provide these things.

A mother is special. The most special women of them all – to a child at least. To a son. Sam may not be a child in age, but he feels a little that way with Mary around. Feels needy and attention starved. Eager to please, desperate for attention.

But Mary doesn't seem to get that. The wall she builds between the Winchester brothers, especially between her and Sam, is miles wide and miles high. Sam wishes he can just crawl over, fly over, whatever and reach her.

\---

"I wish you would stay for a while, Mom. You just got back from a hunt and you already got one foot out the door..." Sam doesn't mean to sound whiny, but he probably does. He's been trying to be _so_ understanding and patient. It's in his nature. It's what he figures Mary needs. Someone who understands her troubles and someone who is patient to them. Mary is still getting used to being in Earth after having been dead for three decades. There's so much for her to adjust to. Grown adult children, dead husband, updated technology, angels, apocalypses, the list goes on. It's a lot. For sure.

But Sam wants. And hurts. And he's tired of wanting and hurting.

"Sam..." Her voice trawls off. They've already had this conversation. Played this game. Mary needs to adjust. Alone. Not with her adult sons breathing down her neck every second.

"It's just. I miss you. I've missed you everyday, all my life. And you're finally here, by the grace of God's sister you're here. Yet I miss you even more." Mary turns to look at him and he's sure the puppydog eyes are out. That’s what he is these days anyway; a sad forgotten puppy. Pathetic. Sam laughs weakly and Mary’s expression darkens. He’s making her feel guilty now, isn’t him. Likely if he hadn’t stopped her, she would’ve left out again, guilt-free.

Hunters are loners. All you need is a blade and a gun as your sidekicks. Sam and Dean are the exceptions; hunting together all these years. Somehow he had thought Mary would be like them in that regard. She's not.

“I’m sorry, Sam.”

He blinks at her. Wet eyes and choked up as if he were a kid again, being denied something he so desperately desired. They never got to be in this position when he was a kid: being disappointed and let down. That was always dad’s job. For some reason, Sam thought Mary would be different. Maybe it’s a parent thing. Maybe it's a Winchester thing.

He stares at the floor. He means to force out another weak laugh, but his airways are blocked and throat hurts too much. It all comes out choked.

“Sam. I’ll be back soon. I promise.”

There’s a hug and a kiss on the cheek. A lingering moment and she’s gone.

Sam wipes his eyes with the palms of his hands. He doesn’t know what’s worse: the loud departure his dad made as he’d drunkenly slam a door, or his mom’s quiet escapes.

**Author's Note:**

> i've recently finished S14 and man, mary/sam's lack of relationship was so disappointing


End file.
